Blurred Memories
by Weak-chan
Summary: Alucard and Walter have been friends and comrades for almost as long as Hellsing has existed, but what transpired all those years ago? What memories does Alucard so desperately want to bury? Rated M for the later chapters. **DISCONTINUED**
1. Trapped

_(This takes place in the world of the manga, a bit after Walter had his youth restored. Beyond that, I will hardly be following the storyline at all. )_

Walter returned with the Major's hot cocoa, with extra milk and sugar, just as he had requested a minute or so ago. He handed it to the chubby Nazi battalion commander, careful not to spill a single drop. He watched with apathy as the Major slurped his drink, noisily and without dignity.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt vaguely disgusted. That part of his mind always seemed to scream emotions and opinions and memories at him. But no matter how hard Walter tried, he could never seem to fully access and realize that part of him. He was always dimly aware of it, nagging at him every minute of the day. And yet it was like an optical illusion. Whenever he tried to look directly into it and think about it, it just seemed to vanish. Then, once he had turned his attention elsewhere, it would return, insistent as ever. It was getting annoying. He was tempted to talk to Dok, to see if he couldn't do something about it. But he refrained from doing so, because he felt as though somehow, some way, that part of his mind, those thoughts, were important. And the last thing he wanted to do was eliminate them, then realize just how badly they were needed.

_"Faded pictures of the life that I once loved _

_And with a flash, the moment's gone _

_I gave up all I had for _

_Something that never brought me any comfort now _

_I've been lost too long"_

So he stood and fretted in silence, letting no emotion show on his face. He watched the Major for any sign that he needed something. Walter was a butler all the way down to his bones, and by now, it was second nature for him to pick up on any desire, even an unspoken one. And with his lithe young body, he was fast and efficient. However, he had other skills, as well. From that stubborn corner of his mind came an image of fighting, fighting a war. It was bloody, gruesome, and painful. There was a man fighting next to him in his memory, but who was it...?

"Butler!" The Major's voice brought him out of his temporary reverie, and he stood at attention.

"Sir?"

"It is rather chilly in here. Quickly, bring me a blanket." The Major's thick German accent made Walter a tad slower than he normally was in following orders. He stood there, motionless, for a few seconds, deciphering the Major's statement. Suddenly, a shock went through his body, from head to toe. A steady, painful, throbbing feeling in his every muscle. When it stopped, he fell to his hands and knees, panting and trembling. He looked up at the Major, who had what appeared to be a remote control in his hand. His thumb was hovering above a large blue button.

"Ve vill be quicker next time, yes?" the Major said, smirking.

"Y-yes...Of course, sir. My apologies." Walter pulled himself to his feet, trying to shake off the feeling of unsteadiness. He walked quickly into the other room, returning with a thick, warm quilt, emblazoned with the Nazi Swastika. He handed it wordlessly to his master and stood behind him. The chubby blonde man wrapped it around himself, then turned to speak to Warrant Officer Schrodinger, the werewolf boy, who was looking very excited about Walter's suffering.

Walter forced his mind to go blank. It seemed that whenever he allowed himself to think, he would become absorbed in his thoughts and become inattentive. He had felt that shock far too many times to risk recieving it again just so that he could have a moment to muse about nothing in particular.

"Butler, leave me. Fix yourself up, for you are a mess. I refuse to have a servant that looks as disheveled as you." The Major chuckled.

Walter bowed crisply, with a murmured "Of course" and left. He walked down a few hallways, ignoring the looks from the reborn Nazi soldiers as he passed. He was not bound to serve them, only the Major. He came to a stop at a narrow doorway, then walked through it into the closest thing he had to a home in this hellhole.

There was a beaten, lumpy matress, a chamber pot (that he had to empty himself), a thin, stringy blanket, a single naked lightbulb hanging from the ceiling, and...a full-length mirror. Walter trudged over to the latter unwillingly.

He observed himself lazily. His slender waist and legs, the thin, long arms, and his delicate hands covered in gloves with razor-sharp wires concealed within them. And then, lastly, his face. His strong, pronounced chin, his small nose. Two blue-gray eyes stared back at him, blank, unfeeling. He sighed, and ruffled his short black hair, which was already rather out of place, and wiped away the sweat that had beaded on his forehead from his punishment.

His stomach growled, but he ignored it. He was tired, he realized suddenly. Exhausted, actually. He sat down on his makeshift bed and closed his eyes for a bit.

"I can't sleep," he told himself. "The Major will be furious."

"But you haven't slept an hour for the past 3 days," a small voice inside him whispered.

"I'm...fine," he mumbled, stifling a yawn.

"Sleep. You need it," the voice crooned to him.

"But..."

His retort died on his lips as he drifted down into the blissful oblivion of sleep.

_"I can't get out of this dead skin_

_I can't shed my skin_

_Not sure where to begin_

_I can't get under my dead skin_

_I can't shed my skin_

_Can I sleep 'till then?"_

The songs featured in the story are as follows:

Song 1

"Empty Glasses"

By Scary Kids Scaring Kids.

Song 2

"Dead Skin"

By Crossfade.


	2. Missing You

A large, finely-crafted black coffin lay open in the middle of a dark, dank dungeon. Inside it lay a vampire. A male, with long, thick black hair and gleaming red eyes.

Alucard lay there, his hands behind his head, his legs crossed at the ankles, and stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought. There was a knock at the door, accompanied by a muffled "Master?" but he ignored it. The knock came again, and again, then a fourth time. Sighing, he pulled himself up into a sitting position, leaning against the sideboards of his coffin. Reaching over to a table a foot or so away, he grabbed his sunglasses and put them on, before unlocking his door telepathically.

"What is it, Police Girl?" he asked as she stumbled in.

"W-well...It's just that..." Seras Victoria mumbled, righting herself, but keeping her eyes downcast. "I've been worried about you."

"I'm fine. If that's all you wanted, you can leave now," Alucard said, returning his attention to the ceiling.

"But...Master..." Seras said dejectedly.

"I said I'm _**fine**_**.**" The last word came out as a low growl.

Seras flinched at the dangerous note in her master's voice. Then, mustering up all her courage, she said "Master, I can't believe that. You've been in here for 3 days straight. I doubt you've even left your coffin. You won't even come when Sir Integra calls for you."

Alucard dragged his eyes over to meet his fledgling's, dipping his head so his glasses slid down the bridge of his nose a bit. His hair obscured part of his face as a result, but he didn't care. He stared at the girl for a long while before replying, "If Integra really needed me, I would know, and I would come. But she doesn't. My job is to protect her, not to keep her company. And you can take care of yourself." He felt a twinge of guilt at being so brusque with the Police Girl, but at the moment, all he really wanted was to be left alone. In fact, that was all he'd wanted for the past few days, which was why he'd holed himself up in his room, taking nothing to drink and allowing no visitors before now.

_"I spend my nights and days _

_Locked away _

_They're all the same _

_I don't know how much more I can take _

_What's left to say, what's left to say, _

_What's left to say, what's left to say _

_'Cause life's too short to spend alone in misery"_

Seras looked over at her master. "Alucard-sama, does this have anything to do with Walter?" she asked quietly.

Alucard's head jerked up. "This has nothing to do with _**anyone**_**!** Do you understand me, Police Girl?!" he barked savagely, but he couldn't keep the slight note of pain out of his voice. He looked over at the startled and frightened Police Girl and regretted his outburst immediately. He covered his face with a gloved hand and exhaled unecessarily.

It _did_ have something to do with Walter. The moment he'd been informed that Walter had been kidnapped, he felt someplace inside of him crack. How could anyone kidnap Walter? The man was strong, fast, and highly skilled, even at his age. But that wasn't what bothered him the most. He _missed_ Walter. In the worst way imaginable. He loved having his old comrade, his fellow soldier around, to chat with and reminisce with. Because there were times that even Alucard needed to vent and remember the old days. And not only did Walter share some of those memories with Alucard, but he was only too willing to talk about them, even if they were painful. The two were good for each other, in a therapeutic sort of way. They were united in their mission and their memories, and that made them a wonderful team.

_"Sensation washes over me_

_I can't describe it_

_Pain I felt so long ago_

_I don't remember_

_Tear a hole so I can see_

_My devastation_

_Feelings from so long ago_

_I don't remember"_

Alucard was startled when he felt a light touch on his cheek. He brought himself back to earth to see the Police Girl wiping away a single crimson tear that had snuck through his eyelids and begun to make its way down his face. He was as shocked as he usually was when he found himself crying, because it didn't happen often. He looked up at his fledgling, hating how vulnerable and pathetic he must seem to her at that moment. But Seras didn't seem to mind. She still observed him with a humble, respectful gaze.

He shot her a look that said "I'm still your master, this doesn't change anything." Then he said, very softly, "Thank you."

The Police Girl just smiled. "Alucard-sama, if this bothers you so much, why don't you just go find Walter and bring him back here?" she asked, stepping back a couple of inches to give her master a bit more space.

He stepped out of his coffin and stood before his fledgling. "Don't you think I wanted to do that from day one?" he asked, somewhat indignant.

"Then why don't you?" Seras asked, puzzled.

"...Integra wants me to stay here."

"Oh." Seras understood now why Alucard was not spending any time around Integra. He was angry.

"She says that she needs me around here. I could have been back with Walter by now, but instead she's had me just sitting around. What a waste of time," he said contemptuously, crossing his arms loosely.

"Well...you could always just leave without telling her," Seras suggested.

Alucard shook his head. "It doesn't work like that, Police Girl. I'm bound to her orders. Physically, mentally...Once she's given me a command, I have to follow it, no questions asked." He frowned.

Seras sighed. "There has to be some way to get Walter back. We'll be much better off with him on our side. Those Nazi blokes are a force to be reckoned with."

Alucard grinned, just a bit. "They're not as tough as they seem. We took them out 50 years ago, Walter and I..." he trailed off, his smile vanishing.

Seras raised her eyebrows. "Really? You two did? All by yourselves?"

Alucard looked sideways at the Police Girl. "Oh, yes. Though, at the time, the bulk of their troops were ghouls, so it wasn't that difficult. But yes. Walter used to be even stronger back then, when he was still young..."

Seras' eyes lit up. "Master, I've just had an idea!"

Alucard raised a thin, dark eyebrow. "Hm?"

"You said that you had to obey Sir Integra's orders, no matter what, right?"

"I fail to see where you're going with this."

"Well, you can still do something without her ordering it, right?"

"Of course."

"Then go find Walter."

Alucard opened his mouth, then closed it. If Integra had expressly ordered him to _not_ search for Walter, he would have to obey. However, she had only told him that she wanted him to remain here, with her and Seras. There was no direct order involved. His little fledgling had found a loophole.

He grinned widely, then. "Good girl, Police Girl, very good." He glided over to where his bloodred coat and matching hat were hanging, and slipped into them, quicker than Seras could blink. He tousled her hair fondly. "If Integra asks, you had no part in this. It was entirely my idea. As a matter of fact, you don't even know that I'm gone. I can deal with Integra's wrath. You, on the other hand..." He smirked before ascending through his ceiling and the next several floors, finally floating up into the night sky. He breathed in the lovely scents and tastes of the night.

Then, after taking a second or two to gain his bearings and determine Walter's whereabouts, Alucard flew off at blinding speeds in the direction of the Nazi airships.

"I'm coming, Walter. Soon. Just hold out for a bit," he whispered.

_"And I'll try to sleep to keep you in my dreams _

_'Till I can bring you home with me _

_I'll try to sleep, and when I do I'll keep you in my dreams "_


End file.
